In a world that often celebrates self-sufficiency, it’s easy to believe we can navigate life—and especially marriage—on our own terms. We watch others struggle in their relationships, and a part of us may feel a sense of relief, a quiet reassurance that our own lives are on firmer ground. Yet, the pain of a broken marriage is rarely contained. It spills over, affecting children, friends, and communities. Witnessing another person’s hardship can be deeply uncomfortable, particularly for those of us who feel the weight of others’ problems as if they were our own.
Life’s uncertainty stems from the diverse and unpredictable nature of the human experience. When people struggle, they search for solutions, and that search can sometimes lead to unexpected or perplexing behavior. We may even find ourselves feeling a sense of schadenfreude at another’s misfortune, a reaction often rooted in our own unexamined past or ignorance. At the heart of so much pain are fractured relationships and unaddressed conflicts, with those involved often blind to the deeper, underlying causes.
The hurt radiating from broken marriages is a symptom of a larger ailment in our world. It can feel like we are surrounded by more questions than answers, a feeling amplified when we avoid the difficult conversations that could lead to healing. But as people created in the image of God, we possess an innate capacity to face any challenge. There is always a way forward. The first step is to change our perspective: we must learn to see every person not as a problem to be managed, but as a potential problem-solver in their own right.
When adversity strikes, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed, to see our problems as insurmountable giants. This sense of helplessness often comes from viewing challenges through a purely human, worldly lens. Yet, Jesus offered a different perspective, promising that those who believe in Him will do even greater things than He did during His time on earth (John 14:12). This faith provides the conviction that no obstacle is too great when we take action rooted in divine principle.
Even skeptics, when they encounter the words of Jesus, are sometimes moved to reconsider their stance. This faith ignites the belief that nothing is beyond our reach. Often, the reason life feels so hard is that we have lost sight of two timeless principles at the very core of our existence. Where there is peace and understanding, it is because someone has allowed themselves to be an instrument of that peace.
Conversely, where there is conflict and division, it may be because someone has yielded to a darker influence. The source of this influence could be a stranger thousands of miles away, or it could be someone as close as a trusted family member. The situation is further complicated when we choose to ignore the obvious problems that are fueling the discord.
This world holds more answers than questions for those who truly seek clarity. The real issue is not a lack of answers, but our willingness to take responsibility. One of our most common and unfortunate failings is our tendency to make assumptions about life and about others. We often believe we understand a situation when, in reality, we are merely speculating, filling in the gaps with our own biases.
The complexities of life largely arise from our failure to embrace our role as our brother’s keeper. Recognizing this interconnectedness is the key to solving so many of humanity’s problems. Regardless of a person’s circumstances, what they need from us is support, not condemnation. Marital discord, for instance, is not the root problem; it is a symptom. The underlying issue is a failure to accept that we are responsible for one another. Problems become solvable the moment we accept that other people’s problems are everyone’s concern.
Jesus encapsulated this in a simple yet profound teaching:
“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it” (Matthew 7:12-14).
It is a sobering truth that only a few choose this narrow path, even though it holds the answers to our deepest struggles. And even when someone finds this way to freedom, it can be difficult to feel truly free while knowing others remain trapped. It is disheartening to witness so many choosing the broad, easy road that leads to destruction.
Every day, we might wonder what kind of difference one person could possibly make. But when you have been given answers, you also carry the responsibility to help those who are still searching. The narrow path is deeply rewarding, but it demands a willingness to take on the sacred responsibility of helping others in need. Marital conflict and divorce are often the direct result of forgetting that we are responsible for one another.
Someone in the midst of their own painful divorce might read this and think it’s naive, a simplistic view from someone who hasn’t walked in their shoes. And in some ways, they might be right. But our role is not to judge another’s experience; it is to share the life-giving principles Jesus left us. The Golden Rule (Matthew 7:12) is not a rigid rule, but a principle that illuminates the choice between life and destruction. The narrow road is difficult, but the act of taking an interest in another person’s problems is not.
In life, we typically adopt one of two contrasting survival mindsets: self-centeredness or altruism. From a purely scientific view, a singular focus on the self can be a path toward isolation. In contrast, we thrive—and even live longer—when we seek cooperation from those around us. No matter how capable or virtuous we believe ourselves to be, we cannot succeed without the support of others.
This includes even those who bring us discomfort or challenge us. Many of our problems stem from not realizing that the very people who make us unhappy are often the ones we need the most. True success is never achieved in a vacuum. Even the most materially wealthy would agree that a life devoid of genuine human connection is a life unlived.
This is the great paradox: most of our struggles come from our interactions with others, yet we cannot survive without them. This forces us to let go of a purely self-centered mindset. But how do we remain altruistic when surrounded by uncooperative people? An altruist must learn to navigate a world filled with those who have no interest in helping others. As the saying goes, “Small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it” (Matt 7:13).
In marriage, problems almost always stem from ignoring this truth. While both partners may share the blame in a failing relationship, it only takes one person to start the work of saving it. Positive change does not require the other’s immediate cooperation. But for the relationship to ultimately thrive, both partners must eventually choose to work together. It’s a strange, yet undeniable reality.
When it comes to relationships, no one is inherently “better” than anyone else. If your focus is solely on your own needs and desires, your marriage will struggle, no matter how virtuous you believe yourself to be. Blaming your partner is a circular path that ultimately leads back to blaming yourself. When someone else acts without ethics, it affects you, too. True, honest counsel with genuine friends is a vital part of the solution.
In this world, innocent people often suffer because of the wrongful actions of others. And tragically, those who cause harm sometimes seem to thrive while the innocent they hurt are left to struggle. This reality can make the world feel like a truly hellish place. However, through the teachings of Jesus, we are empowered to push back against this darkness and help create a safer, more loving environment.
Nothing happens without a cause. A person can be the source of immense suffering, but they can also be the source of profound goodness. The choice of which we will be is ours alone. Ultimately, everything boils down to individual choices, not collective ones, and this principle is the foundation of a healthy marriage.
In a marriage, one partner can be the cause of happiness, and the other the grateful effect. Conversely, one partner can become the source of discord, forcing the other to merely react to that negativity. The key question is this: how can each person consciously choose to be the cause of a happy marriage? Jesus emphasized this when he taught us to bring light into the darkness.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous” (Matthew 5:43-45).
I would be dishonest if I said these words are simple, but I would also be dishonest if I said they are impossible to apply. Jesus would not have commanded what is impossible. These teachings only seem difficult to those who have fallen into the trap of taking the broad, easy path. Otherwise, nothing is more freeing or more natural than living by the words of Jesus.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30).
A true Christian no longer bears the heavy burdens of this world alone. Through Christ, they become a source of goodness in a troubled world. Like Paul, they can say it is no longer they who live, but Christ who lives within them (Galatians 2:20). This person becomes a blessing to everyone they encounter. They may face persecution, but in time, others will recognize them as truly blessed. Their marriage can become a model for those experiencing discord.
Others might assume this person is just “lucky,” unaware of the true source of their relationship’s strength. The answer lies in Jesus, who has taken the reins of their life, not allowing the negativity of the world to dictate the health of their marriage. The law of cause and effect is immutable: no effect can occur without a cause.
These effects can be positive or negative, depending on the source from which we draw our power. Darkness has no power over light; it is darkness that vanishes in the presence of light, not the other way around. Armed with this truth, all of life’s problems become manageable.
The underlying issue behind so many marital divorces is a fundamental lack of true belief in the teachings of Jesus Christ. Many people pay lip service to faith, but their actions reveal a different reality. They may acknowledge the person of Jesus without embracing his teachings. This is the way of the majority, the wide road. Blessed are those who can see what the majority cannot.
Love is the active, selfless choice to care for others and put their well-being alongside our own. It is an affection focused on serving, not on personal gain. It is not the easy path, and few choose it, but it is the only one that leads to lasting fulfillment. Caring for those around us, attending to their problems, is the very heart of our purpose on earth.
Marriage offers one of the greatest opportunities to step into the role of caretaker for another soul. It’s about entering the covenant not for what you can get out of it, but for how you can enrich your partner’s life, and in doing so, allow them to enrich yours. Life is most fulfilling when others are positively affected by our presence and genuinely feel our absence when we are gone. That is the narrow path. That is where true life is found.
Andrew Masuku is the author of Dimensions of a New Civilisation, laying down standards for uplifting Zimbabwe from the current state of economic depression into a model for other nations worldwide. A decaying tree provides an opportunity for a blossoming sprout. Written from a Christian perspective, the book is a product of inspiration, relieving those who have witnessed the strings of unworkable solutions, leading to the current economic and social decay. Most Zimbabweans should find the book to be a long-awaited providential oasis of hope, in a simple conversational tone.
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