True Love Excludes Spoiling Children

The Holy Bible states a powerful truth: “It is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35). This raises a formidable question: Do parents who insist on pampering their children with gifts and a comfortable life truly love them? The Book of Proverbs provides a stark answer to what may seem an uncomfortable question: “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death” (Proverbs 14:12). Few things demand greater caution in how we approach life. Children should be regarded as even more important than parents, for the future rests on their shoulders. The parents’ life is diminishing while their children’s life is progressing forward.

If giving is more blessed than receiving, shouldn’t we teach our children the principle of giving rather than encouraging them simply to feel good about receiving? The culture of this world promotes taking advantage of receiving rather than giving, which contributes to the degradation in which humanity finds itself. Giving to our children should be balanced by helping them understand that the very purpose of being born into this life is to be committed to giving, as Jesus Himself exemplified. The basic truth is that Jesus should be loved for teaching us the principle of giving, rather than being loved only for the blessings we hope to receive from Him.

In the animal kingdom, we observe females protecting their newborn young out of instinct; anything beyond that can be mistaken for love. Once the little ones are grown, they go their own way, and the mother will instead look after the next newborn. Humans do much the same, but there is a spiritual condition that supersedes animal instinct, since humans are created in God’s image. Because we bear this spiritual condition, we carry a love component that differs from the instinctive behavior of animals, a love more concerned with the future life of the newborn.

Sending children to school is driven by consideration of their future life, and even more so, by helping them relate to their Spiritual Father. Communication is the most essential feature in parenting; without it, a child loses focus and remains ignorant of how to handle life. As sentient beings, humans view life as eternal rather than temporary. A mixture of good and evil exists within humanity. The good part focuses on the future even more than the present, while the bad part is primarily concerned with the past and the present.

The life cycle in the animal kingdom is designed to sustain the ecosystem and keep planet Earth in balance. Humans must be reminded that, as children of God, they are above the system of planet Earth. Indulgence is another way of focusing on the present without caring about the future. All sinful conduct stems from focusing on what pleases the flesh—which is temporary—more than showing concern for future generations.

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It is crucial to strike a proper balance between showing love and avoiding the trap of overindulging children. Their healthy spiritual growth demands thinking more about the future. Affection and support are important, but excessive pampering must be avoided to prevent entitlement and dependency. Parents and caregivers should foster a nurturing environment that also establishes appropriate boundaries and encourages self-reliance and care for others.

Achieving this equilibrium is not merely advantageous; it is imperative for developing emotional toughness and instilling in children the value of duty and thankfulness. How we handle this vital element of human growth can determine the best or the worst for future generations. Life inevitably involves enduring tough times and overcoming difficult challenges. An easy lifestyle is the enemy of both development and a sense of responsibility.

Material success is not always an advantage, despite what is often assumed in today’s secular world. Success can be defined as the ability to serve and find contentment independent of others’ opinions. Any person can be content and more enlightened than their peers, regardless of material possessions or the lack of them. The cumulative experiences of one’s life can shape a person into someone unique, allowing them to recognize the negative influences that commonly affect the younger generation.

With such awareness, one feels compelled to share insights, hoping others might find something useful to improve their own lives as well. Many working parents rely on housemaids to care for the children they claim to love. This is especially true when both partners are professionals earning good salaries. It raises a pertinent question: Are those with well-paying jobs that enable them to hire a maid truly at an advantage or a disadvantage?

Housemaids are often expected to clean, cook, and make beds for the children, yet parents become upset if a maid attempts to discipline their kids for any wrongdoing. Many parents equate love with providing good food, nice clothes, and endless entertainment, without considering the potential consequences of such indulgence. They assume this is good for their children, unaware of the deep negative effects it leaves on them.

The law of exchange demands reciprocation; failure to do so leaves the receiver at a disadvantage, tilting the balance of favor toward the giver. There seems to be a common understanding that a person’s value is reflected more in their spiritual condition than in their physical condition. One should dedicate the physical body to service, thereby enhancing the spiritual aspect. On the other hand, focusing too much on physical benefits can hinder spiritual growth and lead to physical decline, such as obesity and lethargy.

The principle of dichotomy, when effectively applied, can yield great benefits for humanity. It is both intriguing and ironic that some people dedicate hours to working out in the gym to maintain their physique, rather than using those bodies to serve others. Education targets the spiritual state, which underscores the importance of assessing educational content. Quality educational material often demands considerable effort for successful outcomes; hence, Jesus advised becoming a servant in order to attract true greatness. Hard work is not solely physical—mental exertion can be equally challenging.

“But Jesus called them to Himself and said, ‘You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and those who are great exercise authority over them. Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant. And whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave—just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.’” (Matthew 20:25-28 NKJV)

Belief in Jesus is considered the most crucial aspect of life, yet only a few are willing to apply what He taught. Worldly leaders often prefer dominating others, not realizing that such behavior diminishes their own spiritual state. For instance, parents who employ a maid to perform household tasks may believe they are showing love to their children, assuming that a good lifestyle involves having a maid do all the work for them.

Ironically, such children may grow up feeling fortunate to have such parents, when the opposite is true. Jesus’ teachings indicate that while nurturing the potential of a maid is commendable, it should not come at the expense of neglecting one’s own children. This remains true even if the parents believe they are demonstrating love by placing burdensome responsibilities on the maid. The measure of an individual’s greatness lies in the extent of their physical effort to serve others—an effort being fulfilled by the housemaid in their place.

Thus, loving one’s children implies teaching them this very value. A person who exercises such love will be mindful of their children’s future generations. Spoiled children are ill-prepared to foster productive descendants. When parents equate love with pampering children with gifts without teaching the value of exchange, they perpetuate a flawed legacy. Regrettably, these misguided customs are more prevalent among those considered successful than among those viewed as less influential in developing societies.

The influencers in society are often those deemed successful, frequently looked upon as role models. Consequently, emulating the elite—seen as leading an easy and comfortable lifestyle—becomes trendy. This is yet another affliction of the world, where foolishness is mistaken for wisdom, and true wisdom is dismissed as folly. Jesus presented His teachings as a path to wisdom, promising clarity for those who sincerely seek it.

Although Jesus’ influence is acknowledged worldwide, it is often confined to a religious framework without truly embracing the core of His teachings. Instead of viewing Jesus’ words as intended only for religious people, it is best to consider the philosophy behind them. It is vital to recognize the wisdom found in the principles He shared, for ignoring them would be unwise for any person.

“Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross. Therefore God also has highly exalted Him and given Him the name which is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those in heaven, and of those on earth, and of those under the earth, and that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” (Philippians 2:5-11 NKJV)

The fundamental principle highlighted above is that Jesus reduced His physical stature in order to achieve spiritual exaltation. To diminish one’s physical state means to dedicate it to serving others. Though the world may consider this unwise, it is the sole guarantee of achieving true greatness, as Jesus taught. Consequently, a loving parent will invariably impart this principle to their children. The teachings of Jesus are life-giving tenets for humanity. To disregard them is akin to embracing death. Loving children involves more than just providing a comfortable lifestyle; it also includes teaching them the importance of hard work.

The body does not find comfort in strenuous labor. As a child, I hated being awakened at 3:00 a.m. for fieldwork before school. Little did I know my body was being trained to embrace the value of hard work. I cannot recall any organization I later worked for where my efforts went unrecognized before a promotion. I remember earning a promotion in the first organization I worked for, ahead of senior colleagues. Unfortunately, this also attracted serious hatred from those seniors, which I could not understand as young as I was at the time.

I had to leave that organization unceremoniously, fearing for my life. However, it became clear to me that all successful individuals are industrious, practicing a strong work ethic developed like any other habit. The physical body executes the commands of the mind through the spirit. The true worth of hard work is recognized when it benefits others. The recognition I received from my employers was due to my hard work, not any supernatural charm.

I applied the same principle of hard work with subsequent organizations and easily earned promotions each time, until my prime years of employment came to an end. Even without formal educational credentials, my endeavors were acknowledged and rewarded. After teaching extensively about this principle, Jesus observed that His disciples struggled to understand it. He then demonstrated it in practice on the night before His crucifixion.

“So when He had washed their feet, taken His garments, and sat down again, He said to them, ‘Do you know what I have done to you? You call Me Teacher and Lord, and you say well, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you. Most assuredly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master; nor is he who is sent greater than he who sent him. If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them.’” (John 13:1-17 NKJV)

Contrary to popular belief, Jesus was not instituting a religious ceremony for Christian assemblies, nor was He suggesting a prophetic fulfillment with that act. Instead, He was imparting a principle that underscores the significance of servitude. It is through the body, not the spirit, that service is rendered. When one commits to serving others, the realization dawns that the human body is inherently designed for such service. Instilling the principle of equality can be challenging for those accustomed to exploiting others.

The challenge often stems from the assumption that some individuals were born naturally superior to others. This is false information, without any scriptural basis. A sense of service, instilled by parents in their children, establishes a solid foundation on principles of life. Thus, the pursuit of external validation should be viewed as inconsistent with Christian values.

While work may be monotonous, it becomes fulfilling for those who grasp its spiritual principle. Such individuals engage in areas aligned with their talents and consequently produce outstanding results. Imitating others is unnecessary when one is conscious of their innate purpose in life. In light of these Christian principles, understanding one’s identity is essential. The critical question when seeking direction is: What is the child’s purpose in life? They should then endeavor to serve in harmony with that purpose.

The paramount consideration is that the service should be advantageous to others. There is nothing wrong with loving one’s children. But that love should be balanced with helping them understand that God created them for a purpose, known fully only to them. The harder one strives to achieve that purpose, the more their spirit is enhanced. We often hear disapproval of child labor, suggesting it is wrong to involve young children in work; this perspective may be mistaken.

Hard work does not kill anyone; what kills is avoiding work. Every person in this world can use their physical body to serve others. However, this does not negate the fact that a person commits to hard work even before discovering their specific talent. I became aware of my writing skills only after disengagement from formal employment.

I may not have much material wealth to show for my hard work in this life, but I carry the deep satisfaction of having performed according to the capacity I was given, hoping that one or two individuals might learn from this and do even better. I am one who never had the privilege of higher learning. Yet my experience in various other occupations helped sharpen my writing skills, just as the production of this material serves a purpose, in one way or another. In other words, I embraced the work ethos deserving adoption without variation:

“Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might; for there is no work or device or knowledge or wisdom in the grave where you are going.” (Ecclesiastes 9:10)

Any person born into this world is expected to work hard for the benefit of others. I mention my own experience not to boast, but to reveal that God is capable of using any willing soul. The early apostles were called while immersed in their vocational passions, attending to the needs of their customers. They committed themselves fully to those efforts. The fundamental principle is recognizing that service takes precedence above all else.

A person is equipped to serve when they possess both physical capabilities and the intellectual capacity to reason. As such, talents will invariably differ from one individual to another. It all comes down to how one utilizes the modest capacity they have. The most regrettable path is to emulate the servant who held a single talent and believed God would be pleased if he simply buried it, assuming God would do the extraordinary while he himself remained idle, only hoping for God’s blessing (Matthew 25:14-30).

Andrew Masuku is the author of Dimensions of a New Civilisation, laying down standards for uplifting Zimbabwe from the current state of economic depression into a model for other nations worldwide. A decaying tree provides an opportunity for a blossoming sprout. Written from a Christian perspective, the book is a product of inspiration, relieving those who have witnessed the strings of unworkable solutions, leading to the current economic and social decay. Most Zimbabweans should find the book to be a long-awaited providential oasis of hope, in a simple conversational tone.

The Print copy is now available at Amazon.com for $13.99

Also available as an e-copy at Lulu.com  for $6.99

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